A Malay wedding blends indigenous marriage customs with islamic
principal .
Malay weddings are grand affairs where the couple is treated as
royalty. The traditional wedding ceremony is in two parts. The first
part is the marriage contract ( akad nikah), which is the legal and
religious part of the wedding. The second part is the enthronement
( bersanding), which is a family celebration. It is usual for the two
parts to be celebrated over two days. However, it is becoming common for
there to be a gap between the parts of the wedding, during which the
couple are legally married, but saving up for an elaborate enthronement.
The asking ceremony, or more literally 'spying
custom (adat merisik) is the Malay system for arranging marriages. When it is time
for a man to get married, his family will look around to identify a
number of potential brides. Nowadays, the man might suggest to his
family who he would like them to consider, and it may be that a romantic
link already exists between the man and woman. Having decided upon one
particular woman, the investigation process, takes place.
For this ceremony one or more representatives (wakil) of the
man will pay a friendly visit to the family of the woman whom they have
in mind as his potential bride. The visit is purely for the purpose of
further investigation, and it gives the visitors the chance to see the
woman. A hint will be given to her parents regarding the purpose of the
visit, and their reaction will be assessed. The woman's parents may also
give the visitors some idea as to whether or not their daughter would
be interested in the match. The asking ceremony does not constitute a
formal proposal. Following the visit both sides can begin to think more
seriously about the possibility or otherwise of a marriage. It is
possible that no progress may take place, and the man's parents or
representatives may then look for another bride.
As soon as a man announces his wish to marry, an engagement date will
be
set when families of the couple meet to discuss the wedding plans.
Theengagement custom (adat bertunang) is normally held at the bride's
home.
A Malay wedding proper begins with the marriage contract ( akad nikah) ceremony. The groom signs the marriage contract and agrees to provide the bride with a literally 'marriage gold' in form of money or goods or anything as
requested by the bride
(mas kawin). This is in contrast to dowry, as the mas khawin is paid by the groom to the bride . The mas khawin
is a symbol to show that the men is willing and are prepared to build a
family with the lady he chose to get married to. The contract signing
is done before a religious official and is accompanied by prayer.
If the bersanding is to take place the next day, the couple's hands are dyed with henna during the adat berinai besar
(grand henna-staining ceremony). The bride's hair is also trimmed,
eyebrows shaped and make-up applied by a beautician, known as the mak andam. If the bersanding does not take place on the day following the nikah, these preparation customs are delayed until the bersanding.
The actual wedding day is the enthronement. This literally means the
"sitting together of the bride and bridegroom on the bridal couch".
Known as the pelamin, this couch is the centrepiece of the whole ceremony, and two pelamin are required - one in the bride's house and the other in the bridegroom's.
As the bersanding ceremony customarily takes place in the afternoon, the bridegroom entertains guests at his own house in the morning. The bersanding ceremony begins with the groom's procession with friends, relatives, musicians and people waving palm manggar
(bunga manga) to meet the bride. Often various good-humoured attempts
are made to waylay or stop the groom from getting to the bride. The main
part of the bersanding involves the seating of the bridal couple
on a dais and sprinkling them with yellow rice and scented water by
family members, relatives and guests as a sign of blessing. Each guest
will receive a egg flower (bunga telor), a decorated egg with a
fabric flower, as a sign of fertility.
The couple are considered royalty for the day, and so various royal customs are performed for them, including musicians playing court music and 'bodyguards' performing a display of silat (traditional Malay martial arts).
After the bersanding ceremony, the wedded couple and their guests attend a celebratory feast called the formal meal (makan beradap). This involves the bride and groom feeding each other sweetened rice. The celebrations are concluded by posing for family photographs.
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